Do you know the core ingredient of being cool?
It’s the release of tension.
People are always subconsciously drawn to persons who provide good feelings. Yet nothing feels better than the relief of stress. It’s scientifically proven that negative emotions weigh more for our emotional system than positive ones and also that the mere feeling of relief of a burden is one of the most pleasant experiences.
So let them release their tension.
Who’s the cool guy in a group? The one who doesn’t takes life as serious as his peers. The one who is the most relaxed and offers you a beer, talking about more pleasing stuff. His mere presence makes you relax as well.
Or the one who is able to make everyone laugh about a topic everybody is deeply concerned about. What else is good humour than the building up of tension just to release it in a highlighted pointe? Everybody loves someone who can provide a glance of light in dark times. This is cool.
The principle is simple.
Everybody is concerned about something. Tensions are everywhere. If you’re stuck in a traffic jam, tension builds up. If you’re the only one on the dance floor, tension builds up. If you put your hands down the pants of a hot chick you build up tension in her.
The relief of tension belongs to the best feelings in the world.
So head out and keep looking for what people are tensioned about at the very moment.
Years ago in military service when we were running drills in the freezing cold I was making a joke how this reminded me a little bit on military service. Everybody was laughing. It released some tension and the burden of pressure got a bit lighter.
Or imagine being the first to enter the dance floor with your peers. Most women will feel a bit akward being exposed in a night club when the place isn’t crowded yet. This is the exact moment I make a joke about it. I point at guys standing stiffly at the wall and tell my peers how they are so awesomely cool preventing the club from crashing our heads.
I don’t take the „power game“ in night life too seriously and I demonstrate this. I see what my peers subconsciously are tensioned about and use some sarcasm to dismantle it. Make them relaxed again.
Refer back to the primal layer where we aren’t concerned about career requirements or social shame anymore. This is the reason people drink alcohol in the first place. To release their inner tensions.
But you can make them do this completely without drugs. Be the drug.
You need a hell of a amount of empathy.
What are the people subconsciously concerned about? What is the most unpleasant thing the individuals have in common right now? What prevents them from being completely relaxed?
Put yourself into their shoes. See the very moment with their eyes.
Is it physical circumstances? Insecurities? Pressure?
Find this thing and make them laugh about. Use cynicism. Sarcasm. Women love it.
By talking about women; Building up tension and releasing it on purpose is the core principle of seduction. By confronting an approached woman with touch and calibrated aggressivity you build up sexual tension you release in the bedroom when you make her completely relaxed again.
This is why cool guys often have an easy approach to sexuality and humour. The principle underlying is the same.
Build up light tension on purpose.
Touch people slightly more intimate and demanding as they’re used to. Challenge your male friends with gayish behaviour. Mash your peers together with unknown people.
And then provide even bigger relief.
Point out the exact source of tension and make fun of it in an ironic, light-hearted way. Instantly provide the resources and guide them to make’em relax in a more profound way.
You are the one who makes the discomfort of others bearable. You make them addicted to you with the drug-like feeling of relief. Be cool.